There are many nights I cry, but there are many nights I laugh and smile as well. Being a foster parent is not easy. Some days I don’t know what to do when my child is having a meltdown. When he screams throughout the night all I can do is hold him tight. It breaks my heart knowing that there are so many kids that don’t get the attention and services they need. It hurts knowing that children are being placed anywhere because of the need for homes and not for their own needs. I cry knowing that there’s not more that I can do with my child due him being on the spectrum. I made appointments, put services in place etc. but I can only do so much. It’s a waiting game from here. Even though I’ve done everything on my end to help my little guy be successful, I still feel like I’m not doing enough. I wish I could help more kids, but I am so mentally, emotionally and physically drained that I know I can’t put even more on my plate. It wouldn’t be fair to me or my child now. He needs so much attention and 1 on 1 support that it wouldn’t be a good idea bringing another child in the picture. Enough with how upsetting or sad things are. What about the happy moments? The good moments? The moments that bring joy to our world as foster parents? When my child uses his words, I get so happy that I start crying happy tears. He may tell his teacher “Shut up, or leave him alone” but he’s using his words, it’s better than crying, screaming, biting, throwing chairs and hitting. It’s a step closer, he’s telling you what he needs. It may not be the correct way to do it, but it’s a step in the right direction. Those are the things that make me happy, makes me laugh and make me smile at the same time. Seeing his warm smile after a long day, brings so much joy to my heart. It may be hard, but it’s all worth it!